Karixtalk.com

LGBTQ+
Love is Love: A Mother’s Journey Towards Understanding

This blog explores the history and present state of the LGBTQ+ community. For as long as I can remember, children have been taught by some that being gay is sinful—something I never truly understood, even when I was “too young” to question it. It is heartbreaking when parents instill prejudice in a child, teaching them to hate their neighbor when they preach otherwise. My daughter came out when she was twelve years old. My instant reaction was to say she was too young—a response that, looking back, makes no sense. At the time, my perspective wasn’t where it needed to be. I told her she was too young and should just give it time. About a year later, while dropping her off at school, I noticed her checking out a girl. I immediately realized, “Yup, she definitely likes girls.” It still bothers me today that I didn’t give her the respect and comfort she deserved in that moment. Although I didn’t disown her, it still hurt her that I wasn’t mindful of her feelings and the immense courage it took for her to share her biggest secret. In that moment of shock, I unintentionally made it more about my reaction than her truth.

My little girl was telling me she was bisexual, and it wasn’t easy to hear because it was so unexpected. But when you think about it, we all remember our first crushes; we know who we like. It makes sense that people are born this way, and that is absolutely fine. It is a beautiful thing to know who you are and want to live authentically rather than being forced to hide. I can’t imagine having to create a specific space for a community just to feel protected and understood because they can’t find that safety within their own families. It saddens me that I initially failed to provide that safe haven for my daughter. As she got older, I asked if she still felt she was bisexual, and she said no. She said she was straight making it seem like coming out was just a “phase.” That broke my heart because I knew she was only saying it because of my first reaction. I made sure to let her know she was safe and that she could talk to me whenever she was ready. Still, she insisted it was a phase. Years later, when she was over twenty, she took me to a sports bar for Mother’s Day. We had a wonderful time, but her energy felt different. On the way home, she came out again. I simply asked how she felt now that she had told me. She said it felt like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. I had always known, even when she called it a phase. After that first mistake, I made sure she felt unconditional love so she would never feel she couldn’t talk to her mother. Coming out a second time brought us even closer because she finally had a safe space where she knew she would be loved, no matter who she loved.

The History of Love:

I believe it is no one’s business how someone else lives their life or who they are born to be. If being gay were a choice, the world would be a very different place. Same-sex love has roots going back to ancient Greece and Egypt. In the mid-20th century, we saw the rise of modern homophile and gay rights organizations. The Stonewall Riots in New York City in June 1969 sparked the modern militant gay liberation movement. Marsha P. Johnson, a Black transgender woman—may she continue to rest in paradise—was a central activist in that fight. Alongside her friend Sylvia Rivera, she helped launch the modern movement and opened shelters for homeless trans youth. They created a necessary safe place for a community that had been cast out.

A Call for Acceptance:

The more I read about this history, the more emotional I get, because truly: love is love. People should mind their own business; it costs nothing to focus on your own life. Why does it bother some people so much when others love someone of the same sex? LGBTQ+ individuals aren’t asking for a stranger’s blessing; they are asking for the basic human right to love and marry whom they choose. If you choose to love the opposite sex, no one voices an unasked opinion about your “normality.” Same-sex love has always existed, but those who fear the truth have tried to make us believe it is wrong. This hate grew so extreme that it wasn’t until 1973 that the American Psychiatric Association declassified homosexuality as a mental disorder. I cannot fathom the ignorance of telling someone their capacity for love is a disorder. Imagine the level of hate required to try and stop people from simply living. It is heartbreaking to read stories of people committing suicide because they were disowned by family. While it may be a “hard pill to swallow” for some parents, that person is still your child. The strength it takes to come out is enormous because, from that point on, their entire life and identity are on the line. It is far harder for the child than it is for the parent. I may not have reacted perfectly at first, but I never stopped being her mother. I made sure she always had a safe space. Always remember the love you felt the moment you first held your baby; they are still our babies, and we should protect them for as long as we can. If you don’t agree with everything in the community, that’s fine—but respect it. You don’t have to be a part of it, but please, do not create hate. Choosing love should never be a reason for hate.

Whether you’re part of the community or simply an ally, this is a space where every story, struggle, and celebration of the LGBTQ+ experience is welcomed and honored 🏳️‍🌈.